Being a Housewife

I am proud to share with you that I have been a fulltime housewife for seven full months now, and I still have 1 more month to go. The first two months were easy. I enjoy being at home, tidying up the place, reading books, surfing nets, preparing food (sometimes), washing clothes, and reflecting or meditating. CNY holidays surely helped, because there was something I looked forward to, which was long holiday with my husband, just the two of us, at home. But entering the third month, boredom kicked in. And then I started questioning my purpose in life and the role I was playing. I began to spread my net everywhere, looking for opportunities and considering countless options, from running business from home, being a mom, taking courses, looking for a job, teaching, etc.

By mid March, I have started teaching basic Japanese to my best friend, in return of her teaching me Chinese. And then I got my first official student through internet. I taught quantitative GMAT. Sometimes I dragged my husband to teach together with me because he is stronger in certain topics. Next I registered as private tutor in some agencies. I got some assignments, and I purposely chose to teach primary level because I wanted to see myself interacting with kids. On top of that, I also taught a diploma student, a friend of mine.

From my teaching journey, I found out that I can interact well with adult, best with Indonesian teenager, OK with girls, and not at all with boys. I just can't handle boys. They are scary. Now I pray that I will have girls if I were to have kids in the future. From this experience also, I realize that I love and I want to have kids, but the time is not now. I owe myself a chance, and I want to have it before my kids come. I know my character very well, and I don't want to regret later, or worse, blame my kids. I made a promise with a little girl inside me and I will fulfill that before I create the world for my girls.

So, I taught alternate days, and I was doing OK. Up and down. Sometimes I was happy, sometimes I was not. I was trying hard to keep my emotion stable, to keep floating, to be sane. I kept my options open, I looked at the job market, was not so rosy, but I managed to find some interesting jobs here and there and applied for them. I got one interview, but I screwed up because it was just not for me. Marketing job with ultimate goal to cover cost only? I just never heard of it before. And I am glad now that I was rejected. God knows it is not the place where I belong.

Come to June, I felt that I was about to slide down again to the bottom of the abyss. That big thing that happened early in the year was not resolved yet, and everytime we tried to settle the issue, I feel that my blood pressure goes up till my blood vessels almost burst. I feel like I am Thomas the train with smokes coming out from my ears and my head. How I long to be Shinkansen (the Sanrio character), moves fast and smoothly.

But it is really true, God makes all things well in its time. I thought of my husband, and I knew I just have to get out from this insane emotional roller coaster because he is the best husband in the world and he does not deserve this. I found myself going to Novena church for evening masses. And it does not take long. By the third mass, I saw a bright light and suddenly I was riding a Shinkansen, moving fast and smoothly till I just could not believe it. Not only I was pulled out from the abyss, I also met an angel who delivered special present from God. Amazing. This job, and whatever benefits that come with it, is from God.

By end of June we settled that big thing, and we moved on with our lives. The lesson remains with us forever. We have definitely grown wiser. As I am preparing myself for the next journey and doing my role as a full time housewife in my last month, I am beginning to realize that the past 7 months is actually the happiest time in my marriage life. Because I was not really working, I did not have personal problems and I can be a pillar of support for my family. My house was tidy and clean. My husband was happy because I could spend time with him after his work, instead of with vacuum cleaner and magic clean. I nagged less and I complained less. Now I treasure my role more, and I am doing my cleaning routine happily. I start to appreciate my role as a wife and I start to understand the importance of this role. It is more than just cleaning, washing, cooking, but a wife is the one who keep everyone in the family sane in this crazy world. A husband needs support for his work, children needs guidance for their schools and protection from peer pressure. If we as wives are not stable enough to be the ear and to comfort them, this whole family structure will collapse. We are the column (pillar) in this structure, and we are the most important support.

This 7-month journey has been valuable and now I know that despite my busy schedule and frequent travelling later on, I have one important role that I can't forget. This is my priority and I have to do it well, be a good wife.