Being a Housewife

I am proud to share with you that I have been a fulltime housewife for seven full months now, and I still have 1 more month to go. The first two months were easy. I enjoy being at home, tidying up the place, reading books, surfing nets, preparing food (sometimes), washing clothes, and reflecting or meditating. CNY holidays surely helped, because there was something I looked forward to, which was long holiday with my husband, just the two of us, at home. But entering the third month, boredom kicked in. And then I started questioning my purpose in life and the role I was playing. I began to spread my net everywhere, looking for opportunities and considering countless options, from running business from home, being a mom, taking courses, looking for a job, teaching, etc.

By mid March, I have started teaching basic Japanese to my best friend, in return of her teaching me Chinese. And then I got my first official student through internet. I taught quantitative GMAT. Sometimes I dragged my husband to teach together with me because he is stronger in certain topics. Next I registered as private tutor in some agencies. I got some assignments, and I purposely chose to teach primary level because I wanted to see myself interacting with kids. On top of that, I also taught a diploma student, a friend of mine.

From my teaching journey, I found out that I can interact well with adult, best with Indonesian teenager, OK with girls, and not at all with boys. I just can't handle boys. They are scary. Now I pray that I will have girls if I were to have kids in the future. From this experience also, I realize that I love and I want to have kids, but the time is not now. I owe myself a chance, and I want to have it before my kids come. I know my character very well, and I don't want to regret later, or worse, blame my kids. I made a promise with a little girl inside me and I will fulfill that before I create the world for my girls.

So, I taught alternate days, and I was doing OK. Up and down. Sometimes I was happy, sometimes I was not. I was trying hard to keep my emotion stable, to keep floating, to be sane. I kept my options open, I looked at the job market, was not so rosy, but I managed to find some interesting jobs here and there and applied for them. I got one interview, but I screwed up because it was just not for me. Marketing job with ultimate goal to cover cost only? I just never heard of it before. And I am glad now that I was rejected. God knows it is not the place where I belong.

Come to June, I felt that I was about to slide down again to the bottom of the abyss. That big thing that happened early in the year was not resolved yet, and everytime we tried to settle the issue, I feel that my blood pressure goes up till my blood vessels almost burst. I feel like I am Thomas the train with smokes coming out from my ears and my head. How I long to be Shinkansen (the Sanrio character), moves fast and smoothly.

But it is really true, God makes all things well in its time. I thought of my husband, and I knew I just have to get out from this insane emotional roller coaster because he is the best husband in the world and he does not deserve this. I found myself going to Novena church for evening masses. And it does not take long. By the third mass, I saw a bright light and suddenly I was riding a Shinkansen, moving fast and smoothly till I just could not believe it. Not only I was pulled out from the abyss, I also met an angel who delivered special present from God. Amazing. This job, and whatever benefits that come with it, is from God.

By end of June we settled that big thing, and we moved on with our lives. The lesson remains with us forever. We have definitely grown wiser. As I am preparing myself for the next journey and doing my role as a full time housewife in my last month, I am beginning to realize that the past 7 months is actually the happiest time in my marriage life. Because I was not really working, I did not have personal problems and I can be a pillar of support for my family. My house was tidy and clean. My husband was happy because I could spend time with him after his work, instead of with vacuum cleaner and magic clean. I nagged less and I complained less. Now I treasure my role more, and I am doing my cleaning routine happily. I start to appreciate my role as a wife and I start to understand the importance of this role. It is more than just cleaning, washing, cooking, but a wife is the one who keep everyone in the family sane in this crazy world. A husband needs support for his work, children needs guidance for their schools and protection from peer pressure. If we as wives are not stable enough to be the ear and to comfort them, this whole family structure will collapse. We are the column (pillar) in this structure, and we are the most important support.

This 7-month journey has been valuable and now I know that despite my busy schedule and frequent travelling later on, I have one important role that I can't forget. This is my priority and I have to do it well, be a good wife.

Where I Belong...

So, I have not been writing for the past two weeks. I was back in Indonesia for the whole week last week. That explains my absence from writing. Not that I don't have internet connection back in my kampung halaman, but I was busy spending time with my family and doing necessary things like eating, eating, and eating.

I am officially 28 now (although I have felt like I have been 28 since January) and I spent my birthday running around the city doing errands with my husband. Starting from buying textbook from SMU, visiting sick family friend in Mt. E, having late lunch at Thai Express, watching Batman at The Cathay, searching for luggage at Takashimaya, having dinner at Pasta Cafe, and savouring Ben & Jerry's Dublin Mudslide with chocolate wafer at home (Yummy!). What do I get from Ihin this year? Practical Takashimaya voucher that most likely will be used to buy ironing board. Ironing board?? For your birthday?? It is not Ihin's decision, it is mine. He gives me liberty to choose whatever present I want from Takashimaya, and I choose ironing board. Have been having back pain ironing our clothes on the bed, and I am getting older now, so it is time to take care of my spine and backbone.

Enough about birthday. Somehow, I don't feel its importance anymore. But of course, I still demand Ihin's company during my day. Even though we are not doing something spectacularly romantic, I treasure his company a lot.

I have been thinking and reflecting a lot for the past 7 months. Big thing happens, things change, we move on, but the lesson remains. I can write for hours if I were to discuss everything here, and probably I can write a book about that (someone has done it, and it became a best-seller) but for now, I am just going to highlight one thing. That everyone in this earth are here for a purpose. Nobody is useless. If you start thinking that you are a useless unworthy individual, it can only mean two things : 1. You are in the wrong place at the wrong time, and 2. You are not grateful enough. I was both.

Yesterday, I watched "The Last Lecture" by Professor Randy Pausch, a Carnegie Mellon university professor who has just passed away from cancer. It just blows me away and it confirms my reflections and my thought about myself. I have been working on my weaknesses and I have been putting myself in an environment that is not my world, just because it is cooler to be there and it seems greener (means more money). I was living in denial. As a result, I was so unhappy, unproductive, ineffective, irritating and ungrateful. I should have known that from then till now, smart people have never failed to fascinate me. I should not be ashamed to admit that for me, the sexiest part of our body is the brain. And that the professors in university CAN make a difference in someone's life. And they CAN walk the talk too.

I realize that if I am in the right environment, it does not take tremendous effort to get people recognize my talent. It comes naturally. It does not take money to get me excited and committed. It comes from the heart. So now I slowly turn back to my path, the path where I belong. I am doing what I appreciate the most, I am dedicating my life and my time to my passion, and I am achieving my dreams. Something happens, things change, we move on, but the lesson remains. I have no regret taking the wrong path, because the lesson remains with me forever. And it makes me appreciate what I have more. I embrace my new life as a student gratefully and I receive my new job with excitement. I am glad I am given this chance. I know this is where I belong.

a snail is climbing a wall....

A friend of mine, a mother of a P2 student, called me at night few days ago. I was asked to help her with some Math questions. One of them is very interesting, here it goes...

A snail is trying to climb a 20m wall. Every morning he climbs 5m up, and every night he slides 2m down. How many days does the snail need to reach the top of the wall?

Sounds simple, right? But I think it is a tricky question for an 8-year-old girl. I am wondering if my kids next time will be able to solve this question by themselves when they are in P2. Hmm...

Talking about raising kids and the education system in Singapore, Ihin and I have decided to take our kids' education in our own hands. We saw so many cases whereby a teacher, be it a school teacher or a tuition teacher, does not emphasize the basic fundamental of Mathematics. It is sad to see that in a quite famous-all girls-school here, the whole class of P3 students fail their Math paper. I saw the paper, it was not difficult. But it needs a strong fundamental to do it. I guess the teacher does not have enough time to teach and go through the concept deeply, thus the students have very shallow understanding. Not forgetting the fact that it is not easy to find a tuition teacher with a strong understanding too. But seriously, if I compare the number of subjects in Singapore and Indonesia, I can't figure out why Singaporean students seem more stressed compared to Indonesian students. We learned about 12 or more subjects in primary school, and all were examinable. Yet, we had an ample of time to study and joined ECA everyday including Saturday, and still maintained good grades and good understanding, and we can still enjoy our childhood. No stress, we played like normal children too.

So, is it the system's fault? Teacher's fault? Parents' fault? Most of Indonesian students have a stay-at-home mom. Is that the reason?

Well, I don't know the answer, and I should not blame and point finger here. But one thing for sure, my husband and I have vowed to teach our kids ourselves, at least for Math and Science. We have seen a lot of case studies, and it is scary to see some experienced teachers could not even answer slightly tricky Math problems...

Finally...

Yay! Finally I managed to change my blogspot's layout. Have been having problems with the xml thingy. Thanks to google and the people out there who actively post in the forum, I managed to fix the error.

I have just finished my Inter 3 Japanese test on Monday. I relied too much on myself and was a bit over confident after the test because I feel that it is easy. But who knows I only get 88! Final test! I never score below 93 for final test. Sigh.. sad.. sad.. Should not underestimate anything next time. I paid the price this time.