MIA

OK, I have not been writing for ages. I survived the US trip, and even felt sad when it was time to say good bye. I don't know when I will have a chance to land my feet in US land and breathe US air again. It was a nice but tough trip. The tips to stay positive throughout is to not feel or think of anything, just go with the flow and do what I was supposed to do. I shut down my heart and I was senseless, heartless for two weeks.

No wonder my hubby did not really welcome me when he saw me in Changi. He did not hold me, hug me, or kiss me. He did not even miss me I think. I am sorry, I have no choice but to stay tough. Just hope that I won't be sent overseas often.

We survived 2 mini-terms of our Master course, and we are satisfied with our hardworks so far. Still maintain GPA above 4.0 and we hope to maintain that till the course ends. Of course that means staying in the Library till midnight everyday, reading and swallowing textbooks back to back and no weekends break. Luckily we are doing this together, it is much easier for me to go through this with my smart hubby.

Work has been good so far. No project yet, but we have a lot of prospects. I start to get to know some important people in the industry through hours of market research and through networking. Another person is joining us next year and he seems brilliant. Good to see the team is growing.

We will end this year back in our home country, together with our families. Initially we planned to go to Australia but an unfortunate incident happened to a close family friend prompted me to change the plan and book tickets to our home country straight away. Family is important and we wish to spend as much time as possible with them while we still can.

Next year will be another good year, with more opportunities and more things to learn. I am looking forward to it! Have a meaningful Christmas and joyful New Year!

Exam is coming!

We started 2.5 weeks go.. but exam is coming soon. This course is really really short. No time to breathe, relax or slack. I am guilty as charged, because eventhough I know the reality, I still take my own sweet time to watch movie, surf, and read not-so-important news in the newspapers. Hegh.. why can't I be more hardworking?

I still have one big assignment that is untouched, and 3.5 more weekly assignments. Next week I start going to office, and in two weeks I will have my exam before flying off to US. Not forgetting the pre-work that I have to do before reaching US. I feel that I really really have to cane myself so that I can wake up and start working hard!!!

Expected Value = Mean

I guess it is really hard to keep up with our own expectation, huh? I have to learn to be more forgiving, otherwise I won't be able to move on. Sometimes it is OK to be not perfect, I guess. But seeing some people can have the best of both worlds, I want to be like them too. Maybe it is not for everyone, but how to be successful if I limit my goals? I am trying to float here, but I feel the pulling force already. Suddenly realized that the clock is ticking, but hey, don't we know it already that it only takes 5 weeks? Still, the exams, assignments due date and the trip overwhelm me, and pimples start appearing. Hegh... I wish the hormone can stay quiet. My heartbeat races faster, too. Blame it to poor emotional control and my own expectation value. Doesn't expected value = mean? What does it mean? If we reach our expectation, it means we are just average? So we should exceed our own expectation to be excellent? Is it really important to be the best? Can I just aim for average? Pardon me for my rumblings. I start writing nonsense, I better go back to my assignments. Keep fighting! I must lift up my spirit.

More Maternity Leave

It is 4 months, not one year. PM Lee announced in his National Day Rally speech that producing more babies is in Singapore's top priority list now. Besides the longer maternity leave, government has increased baby's perks to include more subsidy for childcare, better quality chidcare, longer infantcare leave for both parents, more flexible work schedule for mother, better tax system for working mother, and more. He even asked fathers to change diapers. I love it. Equality.

My mom had her first baby when she was 23 years old, here I am, 28 years old and still no sign of a baby. That is a big 5 years difference. I have been married for three years and of course I feel the pressure to have a baby. No, it does not come from my parents or my in-laws. It comes from my self awareness (that I am getting old), my environment (more and more of my friends are having babies, some even have two already!), and my desire to help Singapore increases its birth rate (really!).

I can't imagine though, rasing a kid in this small house. Coz having a baby means having 3 more people in our house. Baby, mom-in-law, and maid. I can't afford to buy a bigger house now or in the near future and I am not sure if I am willing to give up my personal space. The ideal situation will be I give up my job and stay at home to take care of the baby, or I stay at my job and put the baby in good, trustworthy, reputable infant care. I choose the latter. My friends have done it, and it seems they are doing well. A lot of families in Scandinavian countries have done it, and the system works. Hopefully by the time I get pregnant, there will be one good reputable infant care near my area. Now I just have to wait till I finish my school coz study, work, houseworks and baby are just too much for a non-multi-tasking woman like me.

Bridges

I love bridges. It is one of the reasons why I chose to study civil engineering last time. Not knowing that love to see is not equal to love to make one. But anyway we never learned how to construct bridges, or maybe we learned the concept, but I was not smart enough to figure out how to apply the concept to construct a bridge. I did not stay long enough in the industry to find out how. Anyway, I still love bridges.

So I heard and read reviews about the new Southern Ridges walk with two prominent bridges, Henderson Waves and Alexandra Arch as part of the must-see items. I searched NParks website, and I was surprised they have quite a good tool there. Basically you can plan your walk from the website based on what you like, when, and who you are going with. Quite impressive and informative.

I figured that a small group may be best for this kind of activity. Now comes the difficult part, who can I ask to join me walking in this 9km route? Maybe in the end I just have to go with Ihin, just the two of us, and pretend that we are actually in Japan for our 3rd honeymoon. Hmm.. let's see if I can do the walk this weekend.

Panic Attack

Second post today. I am supposed to study, but I received an information about my lodging in US last night and I am just simply too curious about it, so I googled.

Then suddenly I got this panic attack. Even as I am writing this post, I have stomachache and headache. I think my blood pressure is at its highest level now. However hard I try to remain calm and composed, I can't deny that I am freaking worried and scared right now.

I imagine myself in US street, alone. It is just too scary for me. As my departure date getting nearer, I could not help but thinking about it more often. How I wish I could bring Ihin with me, at least I have someone to rely on. But God has another plan for me. He has given me this job, maybe part of His plan is to teach me to be more independent. This trip is just the beginning, more will come.

Please God and Mother Mary, be with me wherever I go. Protect and guide me throughout this journey. Strengthen my faith and ease my anxiety. Let me trust my life in Your hands.

Getting Old?

Yesterday was our matriculation day. We met our classmates for the first time. It was quite surprising, because initially we thought our class will be fulled of engineers and technical people. There were only five engineers/scientists, including both of us (well, I am not really an engineer, but at least I came from engineering background).

We have quite an interesting mixture, and I am surprised to see some of them are actually experienced practitioners in finance or economics field. I guess the class discussion will be interesting. I just hope they don't use advanced economics terms, otherwise I will be blur like sotong.

Being a new comer in economics (both of us got "C" for Principle of Econs during undergrad time), we definitely have a lot of things to learn. Even the Mathematics (Statistics) is not easy. I thought we have an advantage, but oh my God, what is this linear regression about? Despite loving Maths, I did not have any interest in Statistics until it was too late to realize that Statistics is the most practical and useful Maths ever.

The fact that my endurance for long hour study has diminished significantly since I left school 5 years ago does not help at all. I sat down with my book in my comfortable sofa since 5pm yesterday, and I slept throughout until past midnight. Only about 1am in the morning I can finally concentrate a little bit and read a little bit, before being stucked every half a page. Talking about getting old...

I have heard about the side effect of getting old, but I never take it seriously until now. It is really really true. It is not as easy as before to get my brain works at its optimum speed. I guess starting next week I am going to enroll myself in library regime again just like my undergraduate days. Lucky enough SMU library is just few MRT stops away and it opens until midnight. Hopefully the smell, the ambience and the temperature of library will help to improve my brain function. Till then, let me enjoy watching animes, movies, and TV series...